Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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