he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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