Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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