you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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