I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
