I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
