Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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