I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
