Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
