im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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