dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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