all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
