those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I could make wine with my vomit
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The Olympian is in my bed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
