i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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