so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
