Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
