When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
