forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
