You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
