you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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