yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
