I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
