I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize