Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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