I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
