This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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