My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
