a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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