I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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