Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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