i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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