You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
