we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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