my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm bleeding and have questions
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
