so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
