I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
