you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize