An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
