dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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