Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
