someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
