you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
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I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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