I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You made out with two different species that night
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
