It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
