everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
