sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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