is your mom at the bar?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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