I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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