epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didn't notice because vodka
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
