He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
