I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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