there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
