fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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