Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
