everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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