I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
