Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
