I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
