It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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