I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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