i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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