I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
