So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
