I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
