I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
