She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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